WORLD CUP MUSINGS or I’M NO RACIST!
By: Ben |
4 Comments
It seems my last article on the Thierry Henry handball incident has been interpreted as racist. Now I can tolerate quite a lot, but one thing I will not tolerate is being labeled a RACIST. Sort of like Michael J. Fox in the “Back to the Future” series insists, “Nobody calls me chicken!” In this case please replace the word ‘chicken’ with ‘racist’ and that is what I would say if I were Marty McFly and being labeled a racist rather than a chicken however I wouldn’t like to be called chicken either because that seems as hurtful as racist.
Anyway, NOBODY and I mean NOBODY calls me RACIST! Call me uneducated, loutish, immature, deceitful, dastardly, devious, Lutheran, American, Japanese, hell call me RACIST but never ever, or let me rephrase, NOBODY calls me RACIST!
Now you must be wondering, “And just why can’t I call you racist?” That would be a legitimate question by all means and I have the answer: because if you call me racist I’ll do a flippity switch and redirect that statement back at you. So for instance, if you were to call me racist I would say, “No! You’re RACIST!”
Well now that we have that clear I just want to reiterate that I only called Thierry Henry a cheat, which he is. It’s a statement based on fact, I was merely theorizing if you will. So you may call me a THEORIST, if you like. Now if I had called him a hairy armpit, greasy croissant eating, heavy creams and sauces sucking, Grand Marnier floating, baguette baking, frog. Well that would be something else, but the fact remains I didn’t!
What is racism anyway? Often confused with stereotypes, let’s just call them one in the same. So let’s now take both words and marry them and the child would be RACEOTYPES! Aren’t raceotypes in a way an appreciation of qualities?
Now as I was watching the South Korea – Greece match yesterday, as Park Ji Sung marauded and galloped heroically over the Greeks I thought, “I have to pick up my dry-cleaning today and I might as well run next door and pick up some chicken souvlaki for lunch on the way home” Is THAT racist? The owners at the dry cleaners are Korean and I do have a Greek Diner around the corner and was merely reminded of the fact of these attributes from the game! I mean, the cleaners are quite good at transforming my dirty laundry into immaculately folded piles of clothing. I wouldn’t very well trust my laundry in the hands of a French launder, for the obvious reason of poor hygiene and lack of bathing they are known for, oops was that a RACEOTYPE? No it wasn’t because these are choices made upon sometimes facts, just as I wouldn’t go for a chicken souvlaki platter at a Chinese restaurant.
Also as I was watching the game between England and the United States yesterday afternoon I felt the sudden urge to go to the dentist and changed my food order from a bacon cheeseburger to a Hummus Wrap substituting the fries for a small salad. Is THAT racist? I mean the English are known for poor dental hygiene, have you ever seen an English smile? As far as the food change, 30 percent of Americans are obese and another 30 percent are overweight, I made a decision based on facts. Well you may be asking what are the qualities of these two great nations? I’d say the qualities are found in their non-quality. Poor dental hygiene inspires good dental hygiene, as do weight problems and general oafishness inspire health consciousness (anybody in their right mind wouldn’t want to look like the large majority of these two nations). It’s not like I said that the English have bad teeth and are all too skilled at throwing back a pint of lager! Though Robert Green had to be drunk to allow Clint Dempsey’s trickling ball cross the goal line. And it’s not like I said Americans are fat and lazy, though television and lazy boys are probably the most sacred items in an American household. It’s not racist to say Alexi Lalas compared to Jurgen Klinsmann on ESPN is a howling yokel straight out of the trailer. It’s TRUTH!
Is RACEOTYPING so bad? I mean look at Slovenia whom pulled off an unlikely victory against Algeria today. They’re begging for a raceotype. They are doing everything they can to be noticed that they went as far as WINNING A GAME! Look at their jerseys, they’ve taken Charlie Brown’s fashion tip with the zig zag line across the chest. They want a RACEOTYPE! But, that would be wrong, let’s appreciate Slovenia for their Gibanica pastry and rich history.
Prediction ahead of Germany – Australia later today: Germany wins 4-0. Those Germans are just waaay too organized for those brutish Australians.
Category: Bologna Team News
WORLD CUP: THE FOUL STINK OF THE FRENCH
By: Ben | 23 Comments
How can the French national team show face at the World Cup? Henry’s criminal act against Ireland should have at least suspended him from the competition. The World Cup is a promotion of sport and the notion of “fairplay”. His behaviour was astounding after the Ireland game. The audacity to celebrate like an idiot after such an ATROCITY. Thierry Henry is crook and not a champion: well maybe a champion of shit.
It is not only the fault of Thierry Douche-bag, but of FIFA for allowing this to pass. Why is a replay not merited when a cheat has been outed? FIFA is an organization of criminals with Sepp Blatter the filthiest of them all. A man who assumes the role of president of FIFA yet refused to take part in the Italy’s world cup ceremony of 2006. Only after two years did he make his way to Coverciano and hand the trophy to Giancarlo Abete.
If a member of the Italian national team had acted in this way, he’d be crucified and the whole of Italy would be criticized as criminals etc etc. We all know what that is like because it happens regardless. Yet the French have produced a head butting Algerian (Zidane) and a blantant cheat (Henry) and somehow they remain unscathed.
France was uninvited to this tournament, slithering their way in at the expense of Ireland. Henry should be disqualified, slapped repeatedly then made to apologize to the whole of Ireland.
Anyway, had to get that off the chest. Get the negativity out of the way before the tournament start.
FORZA AZZURRIIIIII!!!!
Category: Bologna Team NewsBOLOGNA SI SALVA 05.09.2010
By: Ben | 1 Comment
Buscé found Di Vaio in the fifteenth minute, a miraculous ball to the miracle man, Di Vaio needs no second chances: Buscé found him in the fifteenth and Di Vaio struck in the fifteenth. Unbeknownst to them, it was the goal that set sail to the next campaign in Serie A. Bologna rejoices…
Today in Bergamo, the Alpini marched proudly through the city. Sadly, Atalanta, along with Livorno and Siena are all looking ahead to a long battle in Serie B next year…
Category: Bologna Team NewsInter win with a fart, Milan and Roma jockey for a smell…
By: Ben | 10 Comments
Easter is upon us and thus we celebrate the resurrection, the metaphorical rebirth. Bologna was laid in a bed of shit on Saturday, actually three shits to the credit of Thiago Motta’s two blasts and a deft ball to Balotelli whom dispatched the third. Thank God for Easter; the only hope is that our old dogs will rise from the pile of turds in which they were buried. No shame however, it’s quite an honor to be defecated on by the only Italian team still alive in Europe and soon (you shall all see) this years Scudetto champions.
Buscé was the only flutter of heart, making a nuisance of himself down the right: swinging crosses for the onrushing Di Vaio and our deformed Easter Egg Adailton. However in reality there is really not much a squad of our level can do against the likes of Inter. We’ve a decent squad: good enough for survival however against the Italian champions we might as well have fielded eleven hobos. For our Raggi, they’ve got a Santon. For our Buscé, they’ve got a Pandev, our Di Vaio: Milito, Balotelli, Eto’o. The contest was over from the time they set the calendar. Six games remain for a total of eighteen points of which we need five.
In other news the two rapscallions Milan and Roma managed victories to “keep the pressure on”, however I doubt Inter are feeling any pressure. The Italian media is doing its best to build drama out of a campionato that has been quite stale for the simple reason that Inter are far superior to the rest of the teams in the league. It saddens me to see Milan in the state it is and I wish them all the best but sadly it seems that they will continue to deteriorate unless a new owner comes into the picture or Berlusconi gives up politics. Silvio is ruining the great Milan with his insistence to retain ownership. Roma, well Ranieri has managed an incredible feat to turn the season around for the Lupi, however in truth all they are doing is setting up their fans for an enormous let down.
Francesco Totti said that “it feels like 2001 all over again”. Like a punch drunk pugilist swaggering his way into the ring one last time hoping for another glimmer of the limelight – we all know how this story ends.
Buona Pasqua e forza Bologna per sempre!
Internazionale: To save the blushes of Serie A?
By: Ben | 15 Comments
Since the scandal; yes that one i.e. Calciopoli, Moggiopoli, etc. (which many would argue to be the true catalyst for the solidification of a world championship worthy team), Inter have all but steamrolled the Serie A. Far superior in depth, physicality, and hunger. They’ve been criticized for their lack of creativity, a great lumbering machine barreling through its competition with force rather than grace. In Mancini’s time I would agree and yes the last campaign was mostly credited to brutishness and Ibrahimovic’s sparks of brilliance, yet today I would argue Mourinho has begun to stir the right formula.
In the days of Ibrahimovic, Inter were 10 men relying on the 1 to spark a victory. Not to say Ibrahimovic was the only player on the field, a team still far superior in quality to any in Serie A, however in a long campaign a game here and there can become vanilla and with a man like Ibrahimovic spurring you on, reliance can quite easily become habit.
Mourinho is a man that favors pragmatism to the spectacular, he favors the blue collar work horses, the ones that will run for the team: he traded in his Lamborghini for four Ferrari’s and Inter became a team. Most importantly, Mourinho finally got his fantasista in the diminutive Wesley Sneijder. The Suarez to Herrera’s Grande Inter of the 60’s, both in vision and in strength. The little Dutchman’s cannon would inspire nightmares for any keeper in the game.
In attack the combined strength of Diego Milito, Samuel Eto’o, and Goran Pandev is a spectacle by any man’s standards when they are in the game. Fierce, clinical strikers yet most importantly devoted to the cause and not the individual. Say what you want about Inter but these men run the gamut from attack to defense: total footballers in the true sense.
All of Italy is waiting for Inter to fail in the Campionato. Every misstep, every hiccup, the papers pounce like jackals. Praised for their exploits in Europe mostly because of the embarrassment of Milan, Juventus, and Roma crashing out of competition in shame. Fiorentina by all rights should be playing Manchester United in the next round if it weren’t for the crooked Ovrebo that doled out a soft red card and failed to catch a Miroslav Klose goal that was five yards offside. Nevertheless, the loathed, the detested, the despised: Inter are flying the flag and are most willing to save our blushes. They’re willing to be the Grande Inter of old and lift the cup; and it should be noted that for the first time they seem unafraid. (see Chelsea – Inter 0-1)
I’m going to leave it at that because I don’t want to do an injustice to Johonna and MAD of the Inter blog. Two very capable bloggers whom I sure will have plenty for us to read in the coming days.
Let’s drop the petty and stand behind the sole team standing in Europe. Let Barcelona and Manchester follow CSKA and let Inter demonstrate the quality that remains in Serie A. Forza Inter.
Category: Bologna Team NewsIL BABUINO or FABRIZIO MICCOLI
By: Ben | 15 Comments
Il Babuino or The Baboon, Fabrizio Miccoli has left seven games for the RossoBlu to scrape together five points for salvation. Aside from next week’s encounter with Inter, the rest of the season proposes a lush vineyard to pluck the precious grapes. Here are the next seven encounters and the prediction of points gained from none other than the Golden Baboon himself:
Inter – Bologna POINTS:0
Bologna – Lazio POINTS:3
Udinese – Bologna POINTS:1
Bologna – Parma POINTS:1
Atalanta – Bologna POINTS:1
Bologna – Catania POINTS:3
Cagliari – Bologna POINTS:0
A total of nine points which sees us into next year’s La Giostra dei Gol of Serie A. La Giostra dei Gol (Merry go round of goals) by the way is a tasteless program filled with bent old men and poor production quality…I will stop myself here, it deserves a post of its own…
Back to Miccoli, which I will refrain from calling Miccoli di MER6@!!! A nice enough guy with a penchant for goals, will count his blessings for the Moreno-esque exploits of the referee RUSSO. A gifted penalty that effectively ended our Sicilian adventure. Anyhow, the future is bright, the world turns, Forza Bologna per sempre.
Category: Bologna Team NewsThe Curious Case of Roma Merda
By: Ben | 20 Comments
What I cannot but understand is the apparent affinity between Roma’s talismanic footballers and canine excrement or for you Latin fiends excrementum. In yesterday’s post as I scoured the web for a heroic photo of Er Pupone, instead I found the great Er POOpone. Truly fascinating.
This morning after Roma’s recent triumph over my poor RossoBlu, I searched for yet another maestro of Roman football. The miniscule conductor, whom also interestingly enough shares the same name as the great Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro. The great Spanish hellian sowed his seed and culture throughout David’s land in the early 1500’s and now the fruit, the veritable kumquat of his labor those many years ago bore the great David Pizarro.
Yet again on my quest to find a proper photograph to decorate this posting, I searched for the King of Chile, the peerless David Pizarro and yet to my immense disappointment found…David Poozarro. Heroic yes, yet curiously he is holding two great steaming mounds of canine turds. Yesterday Er Poopone wore it as a crown and today Pizarro brazenly holds them in his palms.
In summation I’ve concluded that l’amore di merda or the love of shit can be traced way back to the great La Lupa who nurtured Romulus and Remus. Dog shit, however quite different from wolf shit is in line with genetic lineage. With the modern day abundance of stray dogs in Rome, the canine excrement is much easier to come by than the that of the great heralded Roman Wolf. Well if this merda in fact brings good fortune, all of Roma will be partaking in a communal “bagno di merda” in anticipation of this Saturday’s encounter with the terrifying Internazionale. Who will be victorious? Only the mythical poo can tell.
Francesco Totti: IL RE DI MERDA
By: Ben | 39 Comments
I have to leave for work in six minutes but I’d like to take this time to quickly thank Francesco Totti: Il RE DI MERDA!!! for being absent from today’s game. He would have only embarrassed his old bandy legs and torn yet another ligament in one of his joints. He is the veritable Jackie Chan of calcio, if tendons exist in his ass, Francesco torn them.
Anyway, why is it so unfeasible for Bologna to beat a team that gave up a two goal lead to lose 3-2 and then lose again by the same scoreline at home allowing three goals in the span of four minutes against Panathinaikos! HAHAHA, I know that is like a hot poker on the testicles to you Roma fans so I’ll continue to prod. PANATHINAIKOS!
PANATHINAIKOS! PANATHINAIKOS!
Haha, it’s like BEETLEJUICE! You say it three times and a heavily make-uped Michael Keaton arrives at your door to cast horrible spells on you Roman bastards. PANATHINAIKOS! PANATHINAIKOS! PANATHINAIKOS! BRIVIDI!!!!!
Anyway, you may talk about Bologna’s current and recent history in the Serie A table but let’s not forget, Roma has won 3 scudetti, Bologna 7. Yes that’s four more titles and I clearly don’t see Roma winning another one for a long time. At least until that boar Sensi has some class (Romans seem to lack this characteristic) and sell the club for the good of the team. Oh yes and Totti should retire. FORZA BOLOGNA!!!! ROMA MERDAAAA!!!
Category: Bologna Team NewsITALIA 2010: THE GERIATRICS LAST STAND
By: Ben | 19 Comments
Fabio Cannavaro’s dismissal in the second leg tie of the Europa League’s last sixteen is a vivid glimpse into the future of La Nazionale. His inability to find composure against a side who’s name I am unable to say out of pure and painful humiliation: in fact I will do as the characters in the much applauded Harry Potter series and refer to the team as They whom must not be named, was abysmal (how is that for a sprawling poorly constructed sentence?).
In fact since the heroic 2006 display Fabio CannaBIS has been feeling his age as are his geriatric cohorts. His shortcomings have been hard to ignore during Juventus’ current disastrous campaign where their current average of conceding goals at home is 1.5 and away 1.3. Standing at a slight 5′7, positioning is detrimental to his game however we’ve seen many a ball float past forcing him into a foul or worse a goal. At 36 years old, the legs have left him, the magnet in his compass is lost, and sadly the class as well.
Class is something the current national team lacks and I’m not only considering class on the field but more importantly in character. Marcello Lippi’s stubborn attitude in excluding Antonio Cassano when we are in dire need of a creative player since Andrea Pirlo (30) seems to be running on empty. It’s astounding that there even remains a possibility that the fragile and temperamental Francesco Totti (33) is even being considered by him. Here is an example of class, Totti who had presumably retired from the national team is even flirting with the idea of return. The Italians just love their geriatrics however and if Er Pupone is included, we’ll surely be the laughing stock of world football. His ligaments are like aged rubber bands, his pace like a three legged dog, his class….well he’s roman.
Let’s look at our current fullbacks: Gianluca Zambrotta (33) and Fabio Grosso (32). Are we to believe that these men are to be charged with the task of laying havoc down the flanks and yes don’t forget defend as well? Look at their current campaigns, Zambrotta is creaky like a horse drawn wagon: out of pace, out of consistency, inability to cross into the box and all too often caught out of position. Fabio Grosso is a bit better for ware, however he is by no means having a season worthy of La Nazionale by any means alongside his thirty six year old dwarf of a center back Fabio Cannabis.
Our centerbacks: Fabio Asshole (36), Giorgio Chiellini (thank GOD!), Nicola Legrottaglie (33) (shit), Alessandro Gamberini (28) most likely excluded due to injury, Daniele Bonera (28) utter shit, and hopefully if Lippi has any sense Leonardo Bonucci of Bari. He showed incredible sense and composure in the Cameroon friendly and has shown his true worth in this Serie A season alongside Andrea Ranocchia who in my mind is Italy’s best central defender sadly stricken with a severe injury mid-season.
The midfield is a damn circus. Andrea Pirlo (30) has lost all that made the 2006 campaign and the Milan of that same year. He is OUT OF GAS. His free kicks have all but struck the stands, he gives the ball away cheaply and please don’t ask the man to defend. Massimo Ambrosini (32) still has fight but nonetheless his career is at it’s closure. Gennaro Gattuso (32) is no longer a ball winner, he’s a seething, huffing, snarling old dog. Once worthy of guarding the king’s gates, now he’s only fit of guarding a scrap heap ie. Milan. Our saving grace is Daniele De Rossi and if they are to be included Claudio Marchisio and Ricardo Montolivo.
The attack, God bless us. I pray that Luca Toni will finish the campaign anonymously. Yes he’s scored four goals but I hope a drought will follow. The man was ineffective in 2006 except for the two goals he scored against the Ukraine and he looked a clown in the Euros of 2008. A bumbling, lumbering, flat footed clown. Mauro Camoranesi (33) I love the man, however along with his niggling injuries I believe he’s past it. These old cars must be thrown to the scrap heap. Antonio Di Natale (32) is having a hell of a season and should be included by all means however we all know his poor form on national duty, see Euro 2008. The only geriatric which I wouldn’t mind in our nazionale is PIPPOOOOO Inzaghi (36). Say what you want but clinical finishing, positioning, and true hunger for the goal are all very vibrant in this grand father. He takes care of himself very well and trains with ferocity, even eating pasta without sauce to keep his slim figure. This type of player age does not affect in the way it does a Gattuso. Alberto Gilardino, Fabio QuagliaRElla (re is king in Italian), and Giampaolo Pazzini (if he is to be included) are our future. The disappearance of Giuseppe Rossi was a bit disheartening but we’ll see what happens when the seasons round out…
We are heading for doom, damn the old conservative heads of Italian football, damn Marcello Lippi, Fabio Cannabis, and Francesco Totti and his Roman class. I’d like to spit and cuss at the prospect of the horrors of this coming national campaign where I dare say we won’t make it to the quarter finals. There is no hope, no glimpse of salvation. We’re running on empty and we’ve rounded up a squad from our retirement homes to run the gauntlet one last time. I await the final squad list from Marcello Lippi di merda. I love saying that, Lippi di merda!!!
In closing, it must be noted that the great Alessandro Nesta (34) who gracefully bowed to national retirement after the world cup also turned a deaf ear to the desperate pleading of Lippi and earned his scorn at the same time. Alessandro Nesta is a special player and it is a shame that he has succumbed once again to injury when it seemed he had returned to the giant he once was.
Ecco Le Difficoltà, Ragazzi!
By: Giovanni | 1 Comment
Another week of Serie A action is behind us and I have to admit that I’m a bit disappointed. Bologna FC hadn’t lost in 2010 going into this past weekend’s matchup against Juventus, so I was trying to remain as optimistic as possible (can we sneak into the top half of the table?), but after the many injuries sustained in the brutal, bloody victory over Livorno two Sundays ago, losing against Juve should have been considered an inevitability. Still, in this blogger’s opinion… even with Juve’s slightly improved form, we should have taken three points from them. Read the rest of this entry »
Category: Bologna Team News
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