Bologna F.C. 1909

By: Ben | 5 Comments

Bulgarelli raises a brow at the threat of the Viola. Yes they’ve shipped Mutu, Donadel, Santana, D’Agostino and Frey. However they’ve brought in Cassani, Kharja, a host of youth and are armed with a healthy Stevan Jovetic.

Bologna is Bologna. Di Vaio is a year older, Gaston Ramirez is our indentured servant, and Alessandro Diamanti has been brought in to fortify our wheel chair offense. What can we say? We’re supposed to be excited about the future of Panagiotis Kone, but you can only get so excited about a Greek and if he is any good he’ll be vended away like Ramirez will be in January.

We forge ahead into the new season with a prayer: let us attain la salvezza.

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I wish we could have started off the season against Figura di Merda, better known as Roma. They are low on confidence thanks to Slovan Bratislava and their own worst enemy Francesco Totti is currently crying through the dressing room splitting his team into factions of dissent which means we would have had a chance at 3 points. While instead we have to face a better team in Fiorentina.

Oh well, I guess we’ll have to manage. More soon to come.

I leave you with a beautiful clip of Il Stronzato

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Yesterday was the 101st birthday of the Bologna Football Club. In the span of 101 years we are seven times Serie A Champions. People seem to forget this since none of us were let’s say living at the time however this is no feat to be overlooked. Only Juventus, Internazionale, Milan, and Genoa have more. Behind us lie Roma with three.

Thus we duly celebrated our birthday with one point. Not bad against Sampdoria who arguably have one of the better strike partnerships in Serie A. However it was the Pazzo, Fantantonio or Pozzi but Portanova who would give the Blucerchiati the lead. A foul turn of fortune to be the plank of wood which deflects a poor cross from the young Koman past Viviano. In the end Britos saved our blushes by pouncing on a Di Vaio free kick.

There it is, a point from two goals on the day after our 101st. What does it mean? Well if I could express the game in emoticons it would go something like :I :I :I It means we are one point greater. It means we are two points better than some and six points worse than another. It means we are currently out of the relegation zone and making a good case to remain so.

Next week Palermo. Forza Bologna!

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Di Natale was arguably offside, but then again he is also arguably a miniscule man of stature and hard to spot amongst men of normal size; a wee man he is, a huggable, snuggable, lovable wee man. He put one past ol Viviano and all the teddy bears(Udinese) commenced their dance yayayaaay!!!

WAIT! Six minutes later a head bob from Gimenez and we’re all level! The teddy bears hung their heads. All the damned teddy bears wanted was to have their picnic, but their big surprise was the Gimenez head bob. GOAL!!!

Who else but Di Vaio. Who else but Divine Di Vaio could strike in the 90th minute to secure three points and a milestone of 150 goals? Well the answer is Marco Di Vaio. A superb mid-air strike from Di Vaio set Bologna on course to victory and a total of 5 points from 4 games.

It’s good to win. Let me properly express myself with a heroic YAYAYAAAY!!! The feeling of winning is immense because in order to win someone LOSES!!! WE WIIIN!!! YAYAYAAAY!!!

There are no highlights yet to add however I will post the highlights once they’ve made it to the web. So I leave you with a COMMENT HIGHLIGHT from our loyal reader Nick!!!

Thanks Nick! Please keep reading! Until next time…

By: Ben | 3 Comments

Roma were seemingly comfortably in control of three points and steering out a victory with two goals thanks to Marco Borriello and an own goal by Matteo Rubin. Ranieri’s comical rant centered on his players’ testicles had 15 minutes to prove to the journalists that…in fact his players do have balls…or they would show their balls…reproductive sacks…Ranieri on verge of tears prompted by his players lack of sacks…sorry, yes there were 15 minutes standing in the way of Roma and their ball sacks.

However! In 15 minutes one Marco Di Vaio struck twice. Two balls from Di Vaio showed Roma had…no balls? Or did it show plainly that Phillipe Mexes is an all but insufficient backup for the Argentine Nicolas Burdisso? Roma’s defensive frailties aside, the stabbing sensation of losing a two ball lead with fifteen minutes to go thanks to two balls from a product of the Lazio youth system must be unbearable.

Even with Ranieri Roma are incapable of a solid defensive unit. Against Bayern Munich, two balls were leaked in the final 12, and let’s never forget the PANATHINAIKOS debacle. PANATHINAIKOOOOOS. Curiously enough one Phillipe Mexes was charged with holding the line in that event as well.

Bologna should find themselves full with pride after this performance. It should be noted that Bologna could have snatched all 3 if it weren’t for a post and two clear penalty decisions that went the other way. The team has been fortified quite a bit from last year and with the introduction of the Sardinian Sergio Porcedda we should find salvation a bit easier this time around. Promising loan additions of Rene Krhin (Inter) and Albin Ekdal (Juventus) whom have yet to feature due to injuries should bolster the squad ahead of a long season.

Three games and 2 points to show for it. Not bad when you think we took those points off of last years European Champions and the sackless Roma. Sure we took a 3-1 beating at the hands of Lazio but it wasn’t as bad as this…

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MED-RES

HI-RES

Continuing my meditation on Francesco Totti and merda, I present to you the beginning of an art collection I call: TOTTI + MERDA. Enjoy.

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Totti, the exemplary figure of calcio. A mongoloid carved from a pile of Roman canine excrement. It’s almost hypnotic the way he beats the ball out of Manninger’s hands. It’s like watching an ape beating the earth with his hands to claim his territory. A piece for the ages.
The second part of this clip highlights Totti’s effort as thespian. The man truly has many talents.

The title of Francesco’s literary effort was titled “Mo je faccio er cucchiao” Here is an example of Totti’s mythical “spoon” in action. Yes Francesco, do the spooooooon.

Fanculo. Yes a truly magical word, an echo in the empty vacuum of Francesco’s head. Faaaancuuuloooo is the secret to Totti’s success. Faaaancuuuloooo bounces off the walls of his cranium, a lonely exercise in a vast space between Totti’s ears. Faaancuuuloooo is Totti’s meditation. Buddhist monks spend lifetimes concentrating on the single syllable OM. The monk of merda Totti has elevated the practice to FAAANCUUULOOO. Yes three syllables that exemplify his values, his life, his legend. Faaancuuulooooooooo…

A BEAST in the fashion of King Kong.

I leave you with this gem. Totti’s effort in both foreign relations and sportsmanship.

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Normally I would not post such blatantly bigoted material but if you watch this with an eye of sarcasm you should find some humor.

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Ranieri has run out of suppositories…